Tuesday, May 11, 2004

I am cutting again, on a relatively large scale, felt so restless so jumpy, saw one new email on my msn messenger, was worried that she had replied to attack me, try to get the page up, something was wrong with the connection, couldn't get it done. Started to get jumpy, really jumpy, went to the kitchen to cook, saw the knife, took it back to my room, contrary to my impressions, it was relatively sharp, starting cutting,5 small cuts near to crucial vein, its so easy to make that cut, i have the weapon, i just need the will to do it. Feel like crying, holding it back, but feel like crying, just holding it back. No one is around. No one at all, I am alone, so utterly alone, the bear is in singapore, I do not wake people up. FY is rational. And with that, I have no one left. No one to talk to.


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