Monday, May 10, 2004

Had a good weekend with JJ and I want to preserve the memories of it, because it was the first time, I felt cheered up, in a long long time. She managed to drive to my place, she did need my instructions once, but she's pretty good with her directions, for a girl. Brought her to Pierre Victoire for the value for money French set lunches for just 7.90 pounds She had the brioche with the leeks and smoked salmon, and the beef stew with red wine and bacon. I had the carrot and coriander soup and fish and chips, my selection wasn't fantastic but for the price, I shouldnt complain. The desserts were good too, she had a banana creme brulee while I had a lemon meringue cake.

After that, went shopping with her. I was bringing her to the fashion brands which I thought she would be interested, Zara, Pilot, Kookai, Topshop, Next. I am pretty amazed by the extent of my knowledge of the brands, and even more so, the location of the shops themselves. Had quite a good time, walking around her, looking at her model her dresses and tops. We went to MUJI as well, and I bought a water flask from there. Not to mention, two shirts from topshop. She was constantly egging me on to buy stuff so that my monetary expenditure was comparable to hers for that day.

I then brought her to Pitcher and Piano, a church which converted into a pub, had a drink there, marvel at the architecture within the church and how the pub's bar and chairs and tables blended in with the general scheme of the church. Went to get tics for eternal sunshine next but as we had a full lunch, we wanted to walk a while more before getting dinner. So I thought, might as well bring her to Revolution. Revolution is a vodka bar where they sell chocolate favoured vodka and I know, she loves Singapore, she literally goes on a high when she has chocolate. So we went there to get her that one shot.

Had dinner at Nandos, a Kenny Rogers like restuarant, roasted chicken, that kind of stuff, although, it was much spicier and they had a huge variety of spicy sauces. It was pretty good decent food, and i really had fun experimenting with the sauces. its like having steamboat as u concoct the ultimate chilli sauce for the food. 850 was the movie. Eternal Sunshine was good, one of the better movies I have watched in a while.

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;

I don't know but most people can forget their past, at least get over it. I never seem to be able to do it. I have flashbacks, 6 years after the incident, i can remember details, the way she said things, the things she did, everything. I can't forget, i really can't. I really wish, Lacuna Inc did exist but i guess, even if it did, i suspect the message is probably true, we can't stop ourselves from making the same mistakes, because we are who we are, we have to learn from the mistakes to stop making them. But still, I wish, i could have a happier ending, and not this perpetual state of misery I am in. I can't love anyone else until I can forget her entirely, but I can't.

Next day, we went to church or rather she went to church while I wondered around in the city for the duration of the mass, went to Waterstones to check out books. There were qutie a lot of books that I wanted to get, but I know, that its too expensive and I probably wouldn't have time to read it. Fight Club, Hello Nostradamus and Curious Incident of the dog or something, can't remember the title exactly. Went up to check out poems. Found an interesting book where four friends, agree to write a haiku each week to describe their lives, and they managed to get it published, (probably because they are prominent members of the arts scene in American i think) but its quite innovative, each page, there are four haikus written by each person, and you see a story, a shift of mood, of emotions, of thoughts as the pages flip. It inspired me to sms the bear to ask whether she wanted a haiku blog.

Picked her up after the mass and I went with her to Wagamama, or the UK nooch, for noodles, my miso ramen was a bit oily but still pretty decent. She had the wagamama speciality ramen. We had gyozas too. After that we went to Beeston sainsbury to get groceries, I had promised to cook chicken curry for her. Spent the rest of the afternoon, lazing in my room, watched 8 episodes of sex and the city season three, before cooking the curry. Had dinner and soon it was time for her to drive back to Cambridge.

I don't know why, I can never understand this but I can't seem to hug the bear or FY, but I can hug other people, JJ as well.

Well thats the end of the weekend. It was surreal, its like I was living in another world for the duration of a weekend, but now, its back to myself, the office and the isolation cell and it scares me, i feel incredibly lonely now, withdrawal symptoms i guess. I am really scared of being alone now.


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