Thursday, May 06, 2004

Trying to write my article for the last two hours. Progress is not too bad until I started yawning. I was wondering why I was so sleepy, despite the fact that the bear woke me up one hour before my waking time, normally i would be fine with a cup of coffee. Oh I forgot my coffee. Went to the cafe to get coffee, the old lady there remembers my choice of coffee. Nice and endearing. Listened to FY rant. Personally, I am at the stage where I think she's better off dead. For me, there's still an answer, albeit flawed, but for now, it appears to be dead ends everywhere she turns. Of course I can't say it to her, or suggest it, I wouldn't want to be guilty of aiding or abetting her suicide. Thankfully she doesn't know the existence of this blog and the bear had better not reveal it again.

Had an email from an irc acquaintance. Apparently, she is worried about me, because of what i write on the blog, because of my first blog address revision and because i vanished completely with this new blog. Gave me her hp number and her icq number and I know I will never speak to her ever again. I don't trust people anymore. Especially when they offer to help. They never know what it means to believe them. They never know what it means to me when they can't keep their promises to be there. So I guess thats another virtual friendship biting the dust.

JJ is coming this weekend. Staying for two days. Should be fun. What I really need, contrary to what I say about girlfriends and stuff, is just a circle of friends, whom I can hang out with in the city, go out for dinners, coffee, alcohol, movies. I guess i am no longer looking for intellectual stimulation. Most people, I get bored with them pretty quickly. Sometimes, I think they are insects and yes I do have a sizable ego which is paradoxical because I am also insecure. I just want a decent mix of people, so that I don't get bored with them individually that quickly. I want people to accompany me to a good art film at broadway cinema, to revolution for vodka shots, to Pierre Victoire for french food, to Wagamama for noodles. I guess I don't need a gf, i just want friends.


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