Saturday, May 01, 2004

Kill Bill Vol 2 is nowhere as good as Kill Bill Vol 1, it has some good parts, the exchange between Pai Mei and the Bride, the Bride and Bill but the action sequences are just not as stylist and brillant as Kill Bill 1.

Just spent three days in my room, I realised after every trip to oxford, I have to spend a few days in my isolation cell to recover.

Am I pissed with F? It sounds like double standards to me, to talk about censorship and how the government shouldn't censor and yet she censors me for my tirade against the fat bitch. Changing the name of the website is probably better, at least, now I can rant with no fear of my words having an impact beyond this webpage.

I am tired again. Been sleeping a lot. Not in the mood to walk. I feel terribly alone these days. The more I meet people, the more i meet FY, the more I am reminded that I am utterly alone. No matter where I go. She, L, no matter what they do, they have friends, people willing to support them. Sometimes, I wonder whether telling them that people will abandon them because of their depression, is it something i say, to reduce the number of friends they have. I don't know. All I know of is that I am alone. I am always the person on the fringes of society, of a cliche, and no one accepts me unconditionally. Why am I so pissed with FY because she doesn't understand how much I hate being ignored and somehow asking me to censorship that tirade is a manifest indication of how she doesn't care about anything but herself. All she cares about is her self herself and herself. She doesn't appreciate anything that anyone does for her. All she cares about is her stupid rituals. I hate being ignored and that feeling is enormous, its almost equivalent to my hatred of abandonment. And yet did she bear that in mind? No, why should I censor, because it upsets her. Yet she didn't ask me whether it would upset me, knowing that I hate being ignored. I hate being unappreciated. Maybe thats why people leave her. Dr T and S because she didn't show them the appreciation to warrant the continuation of their efforts. I am tired. I suspect the only reason why I still talk to her, is that I need to use her for academic purposes. I am selfish ain't I, Elaine, just like you.

I need to get alcohol later when I go to sainsbury.


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