Sunday, April 11, 2004

Reading E's blog can be painful as I am struck by the impact of my words, on her mindset, on her attitudes towards life. Of course it would be hubris to assume that my views have a total grip on her but still, her recent themes are very close to my views. It is a dilemma isn't it? You see the person, you know what's going to happen, you can predict the general ups and downs, not to a perfect science, but enough to see the general trends. And you don't know whether you should make it known to that person. Can I tell them, that Hope as Raistlin Majere puts it, is the denial of reality? Can I tell them they should be like me, avoid love, intimacy and closeness because these three concepts will often become your greatest flaws, a Achilles heel of your own creation, as the people who say they love you, whom you love, the person whom you are close to whom you are intimate to, can often and will often hurt you in ways that make you seek your death? How can I tell them all that? How can I watch it happen before my eyes and yet do nothing to stop it? Because, even I do try to stop it, I am cursed for it as the bearer of bad tidlings.

Maybe I am being presumptuous in thinking that I have the ability to see where people like us are going. For all our sakes, I hope I am. I wish I could tell you of happier things that await you, that there is a happy ever after but I don't think so. At least not for us. We can only hope to live day by day, our lives are in seconds, not days, not weeks and definitely not years when the possibility of life, shattering is ominously impending. Perhaps its better that I be just words, words that don't strike deep into one's heart, words as the chinese say, that go in from one ear and exit from another so that you can live your highs with no one to drag you down to the soil.


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