Tuesday, April 20, 2004

In the midst of doing research for an article that I wish to write, and of course eventually submit for publication, I am constantly perturbed by the thought of mediocrity. Its in my head while I read, its in my head, while I msn, its in my head when I go back to my room, this is a test, an indication of how good I am in the career path I have chosen. And I am scared. I am frightened of being exposed as a fraud, that the strength of my degrees are but paper, and when it comes down to the work itself, I am nothing but a paper doll. Even if I get published, i will start questioning the quality of my paper. Is it a good one even though its published, is my reasoning exceptional, or merely mundane. There doesnt seem to be an end to this crisis. Low self esteem? Perhaps. I guess, the only thing I can do is to keep trying, constantly, reexamining my work, evaluating them, and perhaps one day, I will think I am good enough.

Oh fuck, thats so bloody optimstic of me


Post a Comment

<< Home