Monday, April 12, 2004

I guess being called malignant, or rather, being called either benign or malignant with a great deal of ambivalence thrown into it, makes me uncomfortable. Its not the sharp stabbing pain, you get when someone says that you are just words. Its more like a cancer, a tumour, forming deep inside you, you know its there because of the unease it causes, you can't pinpoint its precise locality, you just know that its in there, and its growing. Its irritating, its nagging, its the second hand smoke inside you swirling around, its the foul stench you smell but you can't find its source.

Its just so goddamn irritating!

I was in the office and I still couldn't shake off the thought, and I started wondering whether I am miffed because you said it first instead of me? And that I had those thoughts for a long time and that at times, I wanted to tell you straight yet I didn't?

Damn I hate my mind.


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